Dhamma food.

It is well understood that before we can offer Loving Kindness to others, we must first have it for ourselves. This notion is often difficult for Westerners to comprehend having been conditioned by values that do not always promote ‘self-worth’.

However, from our Dhamma understanding we accept that this is the reality, and in our Loving Kindness practice (Metta Bhavana) the first person we must offer our Dhammic Love to is ourselves.

There are two aspects to this understanding; the first being:

If we can’t love ourselves (unconditionally accept), how can we love the other (unconditionally accept)? 

This is a statement that demands the time to reflect deeply upon. If love is the gift to our life, we need to understand it at a much deeper level than conventional thought. The second understanding is:

If we can’t love ourselves, how can we allow other to love us? If we believe that we are not worthy to be loved we will, in one way or another, put obstacles in the way of every burgeoning romance or relationship.

Although, from our own Western cultural upbringing, it may seem selfish to put ourselves before others, it is explained like this.

Suppose I wanted to invite you to my home for a meal. Before I can do that, I have to obtain the food for myself, only when I have the food for myself will I be able to share it with you. Do you understand?

But there is more: It is not only having the food that is important, but knowing how to prepare it. To take care with each of the vegetables and recognising the right grains to support the meal, and then the actual cooking itself. To be aware of the different processing times and the requirement of particular herbs and spices.

Now we are ready to share a meal that has nutritional value and will be a support to the life of our guest as well as ourselves.

And finally, there is the presentation. To serve this loving meal in a way that honours our guests, looks and smells delicious and creates interest in the mind of the other.

Loving kindness is like this. Not simply pleasing words or a particular feeling in the meditation, but a relationship with life itself. A putting down of our emotional relationship to the past and being free to respond in each moment with kindness, compassion and joy. Accepting the behaviour of others without judging and yet never falling into the position of becoming the victim, simply because the first person to love is ourselves. The moment we love ourselves is the moment we put down the sufferer or martyr mentality.

Our whole Dhamma training is based in this understanding.

The Master trained, and so trains others. This training, although occasionally criticized by the unaware, is about being in relationship with the reality of life. To harmonise with the things we cannot control and then wisely respond.

Continually following the mind by attempting to make things easier or more comfortable, is not the point, and in the end, is always self-defeating, but accepting the situation, being inspired by the Master, the training and the tradition is how we ultimately leave ‘Self’ behind and so find the happiness which does not belong to the mind, but to the heart itself.

May all beings be happy.