Self training.

For the seven years before I met Sayadaw Rewata Dhamma my teacher and greatest Dhammic influence in my life, I trained alone.

I had practiced Transcendental Meditation like so many of my generation, read everything I could find about the Buddha and Buddhism and become a student of both Rinzai and Soto Zen. These different disciplines served me well, but after a series of minor but life changing events, I found myself returned to my small island (Isle of Man) living alone in spiritual isolation.

However, I had the practice of meditation and three books of Buddhist teachings from a Buddhist monk I would later meet , the beautiful Hamalawa Saddhatissa, and so with nothing left to do, I sat every day for half an hour in the evening.

Of course, there were so many times when there seemed to be no future in my sitting, and many times I resigned myself to giving up, but every day I would find myself back on my cushion, often complaining to myself about the futility of what I was doing.

However, this way of isolated training stood me in good stead and prepared me eventually for meeting my teacher.

Training alone is difficult but cultivates determination and eventually our own voice in sharing what we have understood, rather than simply repeating spiritual sound bites or the still not understood words of great Masters. Of course, perhaps it is unnecessary to say that this understanding needs to be later confirmed by a Master of Dhamma.

Jesus spent forty days and nights in the desert in isolation whilst the Buddha trained without a teacher for six years in the forest of Uruvela, so in retrospect I was in good company.

We need to be quiet to hear our heart and in this deep silence we can allow our own ideas and fantasies simply fall away until all that is left is the truth.

When there is no one to listen to, support or argue with our ramblings as we try to make reality coherent, the greatest gift we can give ourselves is to go is back into the simple, unambitious form of 'sitting just to sit'.

When I reflect upon my life, I see that every part, from the smallest to the greatest, has been a blessing. 'Without this, that could not have happened. Without that, this would not be here now.'

This is the true understanding of Dhamma.

No quick fix. No magic formula. No super deity to save us. Only the silent sitting alone with this being that we call 'self'. Here are all the answers to the deepest and most profound questions, but to receive them we must be quiet and still.

Offered with humility.

May all beings be happy.