Blame.

The cause of the unpleasant feeling we experience by being blamed (rightly or wrongly) for something is the investment that we have in our own self identity, and the insecurity that it brings when it is threatened. We feel the need to be seen and accepted as a perfect human being, always right and flawless. However, the truth is that because of the reality of life we are not always able to control people and events so that they always are the way that is comfortable for us. So, how to respond?

A mistake by definition is not something we can do deliberately, and so we have to accept that this now is the situation. Even with our best efforts we have failed to be perfect in the eyes of others. 

If it really is your mistake, relax. The universe will continue. What is important today will probably mean nothing tomorrow or next week and certainly next year.

So, apologise. Make your sincere apology, say you are sorry and move on. We look for others to blame only because of our fear. It makes everyone feel better to know that they are innocent and everything that is wrong with their life is someone elses fault. To point out at the universe and say ‘it’s not me – it’s him/her/them/those, everyone else!’

Also if you are being blamed for something that you didn’t do, relax.

You didn’t do it. Tell your accusers simply, lovingly and calmly the reality of the situation, but don’t explain yourself. Don’t get caught in the trap of mind that needs to be seen as perfect. 

Only ego explains its actions and so gets drawn into competition with others. The secret of course is to be fearless and stay in your centre.

This way of being can take many years of practice and letting go of the power of ego. The result however, is to find ourselves in a place where we spontaneously live from the position where we truly don’t mind what others think or say about us. 

I have heard terrible things said about me, hurtful and manipulative and none of them true, but we have to look at who is making these statements and have compassion for them. Ultimately there is always a consequence for the mind states we empower.

So, be clear, stand erect and say only what is necessary. Cultivate more loving kindness for you, and then for everyone else. 

In one way or another, everyone is struggling to be happy, but in every case, happiness can only be found in wisdom and love.

The Dhamma road can be very long, but all its most important lessons come from daily life.

 

May all beings be happy.