Dhamma honesty.

For many years during my training as a lay Buddhist I meditated for two and a half hours a day. I would get up at five o’clock in the morning to meditate before going to work. At work during my lunch break, I would discretely meditate again for half an hour and then at home in the evening I would sit for another hour. It was a strong practice for me and I was happy to do it, but it was exhausting. Beginning and ending each day in this way often took its toll.

One evening I began my final meditation before going to bed and quickly started to fall asleep. I shook myself and continued with my practice. Once more I began to slip into sleep. This happened many times until finally I looked at the statue of the Buddha that my teacher had given me, put my hands together in anjali and apologised.

‘I’m so sorry,’ I said, ‘but I can’t continue, I’m just too tired.’

Then it hit me !

What am I doing, apologising to a statue ? This is complete nonsense.

If I truly am too tired to meditate that’s OK, no dishonour in that. If I’m just making an excuse not to finish my sitting time, that is something I can reflect upon, but in any case, I am responsible for my practice and my life, not someone or something outside me.

Self responsibility is something very important in Dhamma training. Without understanding it properly we are always able to make excuses and blame others for our conduct, but the truth shows us something different.

The words and actions that we cast into the world comes from ourselves and although we are always responding and reacting to the external conditions, ultimately it is us who acts or not. It is us who speaks or not.

The foundation of Dhamma training is awareness and love. It is the first and last teaching, the simplest and the most profound, and it’s place in our life is essential.

With awareness we are able to see the reality of the moment. With love we are able to accept that reality peacefully. With wisdom we can respond.

Making excuses may make us feel better, but if we are honest there is no reason to excuse anything. When we have integrity and are clear in our determination to be liberated from our suffering, we will always accept the reality of the moment, that whatever the provocation, whatever the difficulty, it is ourselves that determine our response. Accepting the reality of self-responsibility is the mark of wisdom and the mark of the true disciple.

May all beings be happy.