The sound of one hand.

When I was a young man I was privileged enough to take training in both Rinzai and Soto Zen. I loved the discipline and as always, the silence of meditation.

Also it seems that I had a natural aptitude for koan study, and the understanding of these different doorways into deeper comprehension of life revealed themselves to me without very much effort on my part.
There was however one koan that I could not grasp. One of the big ones and famous for its place in Zen literature. 
It was the great koan of Bankai about one hand clapping, considered perfect and a classic by other Masters from the moment of its creation.
I reflected upon this koan for a very long time and read and listened to many explanations.
'It's the sound of the deepest meditation,' was the most familiar conclusion. However, I did not feel that was the correct understanding and so I made a space in my life for this koan to live and stay with me.
Many, many years later I heard the full koan and only then did the understanding arise, and this really is the point.
If we don't have all the information we cannot fully comprehend what is in front of us.
If we don't have the full practice we are likely to miss something important.
In Dhamma training people are less and less inclined to be patient and want to be the teacher before they have been the disciple.
However, it is only by being the discipline that the Master has the opportunity to share their wisdom with us.
It is only by being the disciple that we have the opportunity to surrender to the practice of liberation.
It seems to me that Awakening rarely happens by chance, and that it takes a long time of unravel ling the complexities of 'self' before it is completed.
Where there is fear and desire, there is self, and as fears and desires can be subtle and often easily defended and explained, we need the whole Dhamma practice to train ourselves to live a life free from their influence.
Like the Path to Awakening, Bankai's koan is only a gift if we have all of it.
We all know the sound that two hands make when they clap together, but what is the sound of one hand clapping?'
Before we have everything, we actually have nothing.
Dhamma is the same. Taking the parts we like and thinking we have everything is not a complete practice and it is sure that something will be missed on our path.
There are no answers to koans, only the understanding of them. With this understanding, the light of liberation enters our life.

 May all beings be happy.